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[05 Sep 2007|10:25am]

ex_karasaur
[ mood | curious ]

I've been decidedly out of the loop when it comes to boys. Not gonna lie. I'm kind of a wallflower at best, and I'm painfully shy (I think we've established this before, if not, there it is) at worst. As such, I haven't had much experience with the opposite gender.

However, last May I recently (that sentence makes no sense) last May I started a job at an ice cream shop, wherein all of my coworkers are females. They're all younger than I am (I'm 20, and of the other three, the oldest is 17), but they all have boyfriends, and chat about them rather frequently. Monday, I worked with my 16 year old coworker (whom we'll call S), whose 18 year old boyfriend was banned from seeing her by her mother for obvious legal reasons. So, S simply broke up with him. Smart move, in my opinion, but the gossip I've heard since then has really made me fear for the fate of the world.

I digress.

Anyway, Monday. These two boys/young men came to the order window. They were probably no older than 17, both tall and thin as rails. Not really my type (I'd like my boy to have more substance than me, kthx), but S and my boss were joking around about S going out there and giving one of the boys her phone number. It lasted for maybe twenty minutes, until both boys left without S having done so. And even after that, they were continuing on about it. I didn't really care, because like I said, they weren't my type.

Then my boss started saying how I wanted those boys, too. I just kept shaking my head, because really, no thanks. First, they were younger than me, and that's just ew right there, especially considering all of the guys I have a crush on are celebrities at least ten years older than me. I want a guy that's going to show more maturity than a ten year old (although I have my doubts about older guys, too). And again, they were thin as fuckin' rails (pardon my language), which is just kind of gross. I want a guy to have meat and substance and strength to him. Someone I feel will protect me but not break me. Someone I won't break, y'know?

I digress again. Anyway, I told my boss I wasn't interested (everyone thinks I'm a lesbian at my work, because of my short hair, my rather lack of fear of insects and getting dirty, and my lack of a boyfriend or expressed interest in the opposite sex), and she asked me why.

Which brings me to my point: why do people ask that question? What does it matter? Who cares whether or not I have a boyfriend? It's nobody else's business. Why do people have that need to know that sort of thing? Why do people have that need for the opposite sex? Even my boss, a self-proclaimed cold, emotionless loner, is married and says she could never live without her husband. What is that need?

Why don't I have it?

On a completely unrelated note, how are you all?

3 comments|post comment

Mod Post [08 Jul 2007|11:55am]

swirly_daze
[ mood | creative ]

Hey Hey Everyone. It's Lavendar, your ever-loving mod. Due to the lack of activity in our community (last post was seven weeks ago), I figured I'd give everyone a little update of what's happening to the other mods and myself that's caused this embarrassing hiatus.

First of all, one of the mods is out of the country and won't be back for a few weeks. Another one of the mods has been inactive from livejournal for a very long time and I'm thinking about replacing her. So comment and let me know if you're interested in moderating this community.

Second of all, this community was created awhile ago when helethmiel and myself were at the height of our artistic creativity and we wanted an outlet in which we could express it, so you've got male was created. But we started college and we've been very busy with classes and homework and exams that we've had very little time to post. But now that it's summertime, I want to make it a goal to have at least one post a week. I know that's a lot considering we only have a few members, but that leads me to my next point, which is to increase our community membership. So everyone, please invite people on your f-list that you think would be interested. The exchange of tales about how creepy guys are would be so much more fascinating if we had more girls (and guys) in here.

So that's all I'll leave you with today. I hope that wasn't too terribly boring or a waste of your friends page. And have a wonderful day!

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more on will. [19 Jul 2006|08:38pm]

ex_karasaur
[ mood | confused ]

hello friends! remember will, from my last entry?

well, he called again. he didn't visit or call at all since my last entry here, until yesterday. he had rotten timing, because he wanted to go swimming, and i'd just showered.

...okay, okay, so it was because i was afraid of what would happen. i knew we would be alone. me + will + water - most clothing = not exactly comfortable for me.

but i told him that i'd just showered [which was actually true, but not my real reason, as established above], and that i was tired anyway, and we dropped it.

well, today he called again, wanting to go swimming again. i said no, and he pestered. that gave me a little bit of nerve to say no every time he pestered me.

then he asked me about when i was giving him an answer for his "question". the one about me dating him. and i kind of avoided it for a little bit, until he started to pester me. that annoyed me to no end, so i told him the truth:

that i wasn't comfortable with the thought of dating him because he felt like a brother.

and now, for some reason, i kind of regret that decision. i have no idea why, either. i'm not attracted to him, that much i know for sure. i guess i'm just kind of wondering if i could've been attracted to him, given a little bit of time and hanging out with him a little. but then i start to wonder if maybe i've just wanted a boyfriend so badly that when the first guy that actually seemed interested in me turned out to be someone i considered too familial to date, i just want to say screw it and date him anyway. which would be an entirely wrong reason, no?

but then when i talked about it with my brother's girlfriend, and discovered that i wouldn't want to be completely exclusive anyway...

i don't know. i'm so confused, and nothing seems to be unconfusing me.

/o\;;;

3 comments|post comment

hey all! [11 Jul 2006|08:45pm]

ex_karasaur
[ mood | pensive ]

long time no communicado, hm?

of course i have a guy story. and this time, it's almost the reverse of my previous post [under my former username]. this time, i'm not going to friends-lock this post, so i'm not going to use real names.

it starts with me, and a boy named.... we'll say will. will isn't the cutest boy in the world, but he's far from ugly. he's also a complete sweetheart, and incredibly funny. i've known will since i was in diapers. literally. my mom babysat he and his little sister from diaperhood on until about the age of eleven. will is the same age i am. as i said, i've known him all my life.

when we were about...16 or so, will's mother got remarried and they moved to illinois. he visited the following summer to see his dad, and it was great. then they moved to new mexico. when will visited the following summer, i was worried about how he would react upon seeing me — in all honesty, i was also afraid of how i would feel. so i made up a story about my mother's diabetes and said i couldn't make it to his birthday [the one occasion upon which i could really see him]. so i didn't see him that summer.

now we're both 19, and will has moved back to maine permanently. i was shocked to see him when he pulled into the driveway yesterday, especially since the last time i had, it was almost two years prior. i knew he was probably back in town, but i hadn't expected him to stop in without a word beforehand.

he visited for maybe an hour with me and my parents before my parents left. as soon as they were gone, he turned on the flirt hardcore. for two hours, he flirted, cuddled, teased and tickled. and then he said it. the words i'd waited to hear from a guy since my hormones started kicking in:

"we should go out."

oh, if it had been from anyone other than will.

you see, the problem is this:

i'm not attracted to him. i feel no pull that would indicate that i feel anything other than friendship for him.

at first i thought that it was just because i hadn't seen him in almost two years. so i told him i'd think about it. and i did. extensively.

the more extensive thought process began when will showed up again today. my first thought upon seeing him pull in the driveway:

he's here again?! why?!

exasperation is not something to feel when seeing someone for the second time after two years.

i talked to my brother. his opinion is that will wants a girlfriend simply to be able to say he has a girlfriend. he's also very protective of me, as i'm the baby of the family, so he could have been saying that to discourage me from pursuing anything.

i talked to my brother's girlfriend about it. she was very attentive and listened to all of my confusion. she made me realize how little i want to be in any relationship. i mean... one person [guy or girl], for that long? i wouldn't be able to stand it.

i talked to my mom about it. at first she encouraged me to date him, but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that i didn't want to. i.e., i don't feel the desire to pursue anything with will.

when he and i were cuddling yesterday, i was very comfortable. in a very platonic sense, that is. i wasn't affected in any sexual way during the cuddling. until he started brushing his fingers against my arms and legs. i'm not even sure if it was a conscious effort on his part. i'm certain that my reaction was caused more from the contact than the person.

the more i think about it, the less i want to try to see if anything could happen.

my biggest problem:

i don't want to tell will how i feel because i don't want to hurt him. i'm the kind of person that would rather suffer through something than hurt someone or make someone uncomfortable. my previous post is a decent testimony to that [remember how long i didn't tell you-know-who how i felt? same idea.]. i know i'm going to. i just don't know when. i really hope that will doesn't show up tomorrow as well. that would drive me insane. well, not literally, of course, but i would... i dunno, pretend i wasn't home or something [i know, i'm such a coward T_T].

anyway, that's my story. any ideas on what to say to will, friends? some way that a guy would understand, that wouldn't make me feel like a cunt [pardon my language]? i would really appreciate pretty much any kind of help or advice right now.

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[09 Jan 2006|10:51pm]

helethmiel
Abusive relationships aren't uncommon, but I simply don't understand why some like to gloat about their conquests. I'll use a boy in my math class as an example, whom I shall call Mark. Generally, he looks mild-mannered enough, if a bit dirty, unkempt, and creepy. Rather unthreatening (if unappealing), all in all. Yet when he begins to talk about his girlfriend to the guys, he becomes like a machine designed with the sole purpose to destroy. He criticizes her looks, her personality, and her intelligence, among other things. Then laughs about it. This isn't harmless fun, it's sick. He uses her insecurities against her in order to manipulate her, and when she doesn't do what he's planned, he becomes bitter and threatens to break up with her--But he never carries through. He's like an ill-tempered child, spoiled to the brink of madness. When his friend asked him why he didn't just break it off in the first place, he replied "No one else will go out with me." (So we see he has at least enough sense to realize that.)
It's clear he enjoys verbally abusing her just because he thinks he has the power to, because he's mistakenly convinced he's more 'worldly' and less naive than she.
Well, I suggest that from now on, Mark should think long and hard about who he's going to label naive. Because the last time I checked, he was the one who gave some online stranger his phone number and address and receives calls from said stranger about his sex life.
This would also be the I-carry-porn-with-me-on-the-bus-and-would-you-like-to-see child.
...I've run into bird droppings cleverer than he.
And he wonders why I didn't even need to look up from my fascinating math equations to consider going out with him.

It's late, and I should go to bed, but I just had to get that out. He makes me physically ill.
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More Members, Yay! [29 Oct 2005|09:36pm]

swirly_daze
Hello all. It's Lavendar. One of your super cool maintainers. I just saw our list of watchers/members, and it has gone up. So a big shout out to all the cool kids who have joined this community...especially Katie Anderson, because she's from California and California rocks!

Now...time for a real story. A spooky one. Since it's almost Halloween.

One of my closest male friends works at the local Best Buy. Although it may not be the greatest place on earth to someone as disinterested in technology such as myself, to him, it might as well replace Disney World. This perception of his job is only further enhanced when he met the "girl of his dreams" there. The two of them have been dating for a week or two and he continues to gush to me about how wonderful Andrea is. At first, I try to listen with a fairly attentive air, but after repeated sessions of him blathering on about her beauty and uniqueness, I become bored with his banter.

I notice that although males seem rather reserved about personal issues, they are more than willing to talk if the right person comes along. In fact, that would be an understatement. Given the right girl who will listen, males have the capacity of talking endlessly. On the other hand, females would rather just tell everybody about their issues, which is much more efficient because they can receive a variety of listeners and sympathizers without having to bore any one individual. However, this is straying from the main focus of the story.

So my friend who happens to luck out in the relationship department continues to demonstrate his avid obsession with his new girlfriend by showing me his grotesquely sweet text messages to her. Not once has he told me about what her interest are or what she is like as a person. I have my doubts about whether he actually knows any of these things. "I always treat my girl like a princess." Shouldn't there be a crime against unnecessary cheesy-ness?

I suppose this is considered natural since initially everyone is ridiculously obsessed with the individual they are dating. I know that people enjoy feeling needed and that is why they enter relationships. The feeling that one has an exclusive bond with another is rather elating, but such professions of affection can be skin crawling nonetheless. The very reason that I severed my ties with an old beau is because of his overly doting affections. I wonder if I'm a bad person for despising such sugary sweetness in a relationship. It just seems that such a relationship is almost kin to that of a sugar rush one would receive from various caffeinated beverages. At first, one rises up with intense energy, only to crash down with equal intensity when the caffeine wears off.

I honestly don't think fake words will suffice as a foundation in a relationship. I'm taking another leaf out of Brian Kinney's book when I say that words are bullshit and it's the actions that count. Perhaps my argument can be refuted, but I know that compatability in terms of personality and interest is what will determine the longevity of a relationship.

The story may not be all that spooky...but I had to say something enticing to get you to read it.
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my one and only boyfriend story [26 Aug 2005|10:20am]

pingumew98
ya...i dont really know what im doing in this community but what the hell, i'll share my one and only boyfriend story.

ok like 6 years ago i went out with this Mexican kid name Hans for like...two days. i felt sorry for the kid so i agreed to go out with him. i never liked the kid and he was all scary and stalker like so i ws like-"BITCH BACK THE FUCK UP!" WELL, turns out he was picking on my brother which is a good reason not only to break up but a prime excuse to beat the shit outta him...so i did. he had me in a headlock and i just elbowed him in the crotch and punched him across the face. *beams* sadily, everyone still makes fun of me for it so the moral of the story IS...NEVA go out with ANYONE just cause you feel sorry for them.
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Love And Let Love [24 Aug 2005|11:51am]

swirly_daze
It’s amazing how some girls can form such lasting attachments to guys. I’m a fine one to talk since I was infatuated by one Sean for three years. But now that Sean is very much a part of my past, I continue to question why females would emotionally fasten themselves to a member of the opposite sex. Why would you let your heart be broken so easily over someone just because they appeal to you in looks or even personality? Ridiculous. That’s what it is.

I have one friend, who has been “in love” with the same guy for over two years. For the sake of respecting her anonymity, I will refer to her as Jane. Any rate, Jane pined over this guy with a passion that bordered on annoyance. I had several classes with her, and when said guy would disappoint her in any way, she would cry and bemoan his traitorous nature. He would succumb to many of her needs by staying away from girls since he considered Jane a good friend. I pitied the guy deeply because Jane became too much of a weight for him. An anchor that refused to let the ship leave or have any freedom to move about. Finally, he could stand it no longer and began to ask another girl out. Jane was devastated and pointedly did not hide her devastation. Everyone soon learned of their fall-out. Although I tried to comfort her, I felt no real sorrow for her. By clinging to this guy like she has been, she was depriving him of happiness. I ask you, if you claim to love someone so much, why would you do something like that?

I honestly don’t know if I believe in love. Or maybe I’ve never come across its pure form. But all I’ve witnessed is mouths speaking that dreadful L word, yet it is composed of undercurrents of jealousy and selfishness. Everyone should live by Brian Kinney’s example and that is if you love something enough, let it go.
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In which love and booklust are discussed. Part the First. [21 Aug 2005|10:36pm]

helethmiel
[ mood | content ]

Hello, my lovelies! I hope you’re all doing well.
I was on one of my innumerable bookstore runs last night when I remembered some article that I once came across, promoting bookstores as a great place to meet potential mates.

What a misconception.
I suspect that the author of said article was being secretly paid by Borders or Barnes and Noble, hoping to up the numbers of customers. Lovelorn, world-weary ones, perhaps. Or, the kind that I seem to be running into all the time—the pervy predators that enjoy skulking about the fiction and literature section, pretending to be literary moguls.
There are several ways that these not-so-sneaky-nor-subtle men operate…I shall proceed to reenact some of these scenes.

And our heroine goes on a harrowing adventure...Collapse )

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A Grocery of a Tale [20 Aug 2005|05:45pm]

swirly_daze
Every weekend, my family takes a trip to the local grocery store in Springfield. We've been attending Shoppers for years. The food, not too bad, but the cute guys, almost nonexistent. I know it may sound trashy that I was even considering guys in a grocery store, but when pretty things are nearby, one cannot help but admire them.

I've never seen a single good looking male in said grocery store for years, but all of a sudden, there he was. Bending over some Tyson's Chicken in the meat aisle. A total dreamboat. Unfortunately for me, my mother was examining the chicken as well. I've always thought there was something about chicken that brings people together. So while she stood there comparing two whole chickens and absentmindedly asking me which one I thought looked plumper, I stood gazing at Mr. Tyson Chicken. He wore a hideous white baseball cap that no doubt was covering a head full of unbrushed, unkempt, and unruly hair. But I dismissed any repulsion I might have had for Mr. Tyson Chicken's hair because it's summer, and everyone gets scruffy in the summer.

Right when I was beginning to get carried away with romantic thoughts of a long, lazy, midnight stroll on the beach with Mr. Tyson Chicken, my mother calls me to her attention so that she could loudly question whether this was the same chicken we had for dinner last week. I scan quickly at the half-domesticated poultry in her hand and nod with a grunt of affirmation. When I turn around to look for Mr. Tyson Chicken, he had disappeared. It was like one of those Scream movies where Neve Campbell would turn around and the killer would disappear. Needless to say, I was crestfallen.

I blame my wistful gazes at cute strangers on my wholesome asian upbringing. Maybe if my parents weren't always there and watching my every move, I would feel less asphyxiated by their proximity. Who knows? But I guess there are millions of men and women out there who are also afraid of confrontation, so in the end, all that is left is a sea of longing glances and shy smiles.
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